No, this is not a post about basketball, though our family is in the midst of a bracket challenge. Mom is just about to sink to the bottom. Virginia let me down…but I digress.
I remember when we had our third son, a wise person told us that we as parents had moved from one-on-one to zone parenting. There was a great deal of truth in that metaphor. With three children, it was fairly rare that one parent spent time and shared experience with just one child. Each boy did go on a fun “10 year old trip” with their dad, but the one on one experiences were rare. Of course our first child received a few years of two on one, our third boy got a season of lunch and afternoons with mom after his big brothers started elementary school, and the poor middle guy never got it. Maybe that is why he is so flexible today…
We just came through spring break with our girls. This year, we split our family and went in different directions. Dad and girl #1 headed north to Chicago to visit family and Mom and girl #2 teamed up with another mom/daughter duo and headed south to Florida. Weather wise, my destination won the prize.
The Chicago travelers shared a new and delicious experience of eating Ethiopian food
This trip was a reminder of how extra special time shared with one parent and one child can be. In the midst of the busyness and sometimes craziness of everyday family life, it is hard to make the connection that happens when extended time is spent with one other. We have time and attention to share words and experiences. Competitive or challenging interaction between siblings or any other less than functional family dynamic fall away. This child and I both have a love of roller coasters and interacting with animals. These passions aren’t shared by all in our family. It was around these pursuits as well as a myriad of little moments of talking, eating and drifting off to sleep in the same room that we were able to connect in a deeper way last week.
Our favorite roller coaster ride of the trip
Swimming with the manatees
The same dynamic is true in a marriage or in a grandparent and grandchild relationship or any other that has meaning for us. In our home, we have at times set special evenings for husband and wife only outings as well as “dates” with our girls. My very favorite gift from our grown sons is the promise of an outing with one of them. Making time for this takes planning and intentionality and often gets squeezed out by the seemingly urgent matters of life. After last week, I hope to be going on a lot more dates in months to come – with my husband as well as with each of our kids. The all together family times are often fun and lively, but there is not the same chance to deeply know another. I would love to hear from you the ways that you stay connected one-on-one with those you love.
