For mother’s day, I received a public Facebook message from our eldest child. He referred to me as “trill”. After I consulted my handy google urban dictionary to determine if this was an insult or compliment, I realized that this was high praise. “True + real = trill. Meaning someone that always keeps it 100 at all times, stays true to oneself and stays real no matter what happens to the end.” Wow, what a compliment and standard that in daily living I struggle to embody.
Our family has recently celebrated, documented and shared with joy the wedding of our son and his beautiful wife – and often in a very public way. Social media has added a whole new dimension to the meaning of sharing your wedding pictures. There was a rehearsal video that documented the growing up and meeting up days of Joel and Madeleine, set to the sentimental songs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “How Sweet It Is”. A gifted and creative photographer artistically documented the big day from getting ready to sending off moments and then the wedding videographer generated a beautiful and emotional highlight reel of the event. These are all treasures that we will enjoy for years to come. But they are not in fact the whole story.
As an insider of one of the families joined together on that day, I know more of the complete story, the trill story. It is emotional and easy to watch the baby to married child video and gloss over the ups and downs of the journey to reach that day. The bumps and bruises of the body, mind and soul as well as relationships all along the way are an integral, true and critical piece of this story. Videos set to music do not in fact tell the entire true and real tale of two lives joining together, and they certainly don’t address the real work required for a long term marriage.
This gloss over and romanticizing of others’ lives seems to be one of the dark sides of social media. There is a danger inherent in our Facebook, instagram and beyond interactions. We can filter and choose to present a glittering image when our reality is always much more complex. And as I scroll through the seemingly picture perfect lives of others, it can sometimes leave me feeling empty and left out. For the record, the Wilson family photos often present partial truth – yes, we have fun times and laugh and enjoy each other, but we also argue and yell and get irritated with one another. We struggle as individuals and as a family just like everyone else out there.
I recently got together with a friend who shared that she was seriously considering leaving her husband. Three days later, she posted a positive, heartwarming social media message about how wonderful it was to be with him. One of our daughters recently bemoaned the fact that the sisters in another family seemed so close and loving while she was feeling some distance from hers. I know some of the extremely painful reality and backstory of the sisters that she was comparing herself to, and it is filled with hurt, anger and a slow reconciliation. They presented a very different image in a party situation.
There are both healthy and dysfunctional reasons that we don’t show our true and real selves in all situations. For me, the first step is to be mindful and aware of what I am doing and how the photoshopped world of others affects me. For Joel and Maddy, after the emotion of the beautiful day and all the excitement dies down, I wish for you grace and love and patience as you move onto the joyful yet hard work of living and growing and doing life together. For my daughters, I hope for you to learn how to navigate this social media saturated world with confidence and with understanding of yourself and toward others. For myself, I wish to more fully live up to my mother’s day compliment and keep it trill – in my everyday and online life.
